Pain
by J.E.A.R.K.Potter
Summary: Pain, the word so fine, so utterly seducing, or at least it was to me. A story of the rat and why he did the things he did.
1. Reasons to be a Tradior

Pain  
By: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Erin)  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Me, The great J.K. Rowling. That is my greatest dream, but  
unfortunately only a dream.  
  
Pain, the word so fine, so utterly seducing, or at least it was to me. I guess it started when I was young that is when the first urges started to appear. I thought nothing of it, just a silly thing, after wasn't it natural to strike out when one was mad.  
  
Though there was nothing natural about it at all. When I was sixteen I started to notice that I got these callings for no apparent reason. I wanted to lash out striking with all that I had to hurt. But the worse thing is that I wanted pain upon myself. I resorted to gnawing and scratching myself.  
  
I knew something was wrong with me even then. My friends they could never know. James, Sirius and Remus all so bold and courageous, not like me, would never understand. I lived the next two years of my life hiding it. It was not easy, not easy at all, but I did it. I made sure my friends never found out or at least until I was ready.  
  
Then my master came to me offering me a position in his death eaters. I was scared how could I not be this was the most powerful wizard there was. But I was also interested thinking how much pain I could inflect on others, with crucio, to see them shriek and wither in pain. Almost as promising as hurting others was to be punished for my failures.  
The deal was the best thing to happen to me.  
  
Everything was going fine for me. I got to be with my best friends and at the same time concurring my hidden desire. And then it happened; Lily and James made me their secret keeper. Oh how glorious I felt imagining how painful it would be to die. Of course I knew it was wrong but I would do it over again in a heartbeat. My only regret is that I didn't murder them myself.  
  
But maybe it was good that I didn't. I mean we all know what happen when little Harry met my lord. Though still the wonder of committing death is so appealing to me. Even though I loved the though I wished no death upon myself. I might seek pain but not the mortal danger kind.  
  
You can me a coward but I am not crazy. I knew that Sirius would come for me, but he was the only one that knew that I was the secret keeper. Only he would know of my betrayal. And find me he did. But I, never that bright in the knowledge from books, outsmarted him. I framed him for all to hear. I blasted the street killing some of those awful creatures that some refer to as muggles.  
  
I escaped as happy as could be. Though that did not last very long. My fear set in, taking a hold of me in its tight grasp. Where could I go? No friends to turn to, and with no hopes of being taking in I mean after all I was supposed to be dead. I guessed I could live with the other rats.  
  
But chance seemed to be on my side that day. A red haired family called the Weasleys found me. I didn't care about them but they were a pureblood family. So with them I waited.  
  
What do you think? I don't care if you flame or not I just want the truth. There will probably be one more chapter. 


	2. Waiting

Pain  
  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Erin)  
Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: See chapter one.  
  
Thanks to my reviewers Miranda G. Potter, and Jackie (though I already knew you liked it Jackie.)  
  
And to charmedlily: I hate Peter too (as almost any self respecting L/J fan does,) but that is what makes me want to write the story. To know what he was thinking when he did all those things.  
  
Chapter two  
  
And wait I did for twelve years, twelve long years. I came to Hogwarts with this boy Percy was his name. It was quite boring nothing to do but lay around no one to hurt or kill but myself of course. Those twins made it a little more interesting; their names were Gred and Forge or something like that, but really nothing exciting.  
  
But then I was passed down to the youngest son, Ron. Ron in himself was not that appealing, but his best friend was. Our first encounter happen something like this. I was ready for another dull year of Hogwarts, funny how I looked forward so much to it when I was a kid. I was trying to sleep as usual, and I opened my eyes to find that I was gazing at James! Well not James but he looked exactly like him! He had Prongs' hair, his face, almost identical. 'Oh no' I thought, 'he is going to kill me!' But then I noticed his eyes, they were green, the color of that mudblood Eva...Potter's I guess.  
  
But something else I noticed. A scar in the shape of a lighting bolt was on his forehead. 'It's him!' I exclaimed in my head, 'It's him! Harry Potter the stupid boy who lived, the stupid boy who stole my great master's powers! He is the one who is the cause of all of this, of my being like this! He is the one...' and then a thought entered my head so perfect. 'He is the one who can get my back on the good list! I can give him to my master!'  
  
Amidst all this thinking three boys entered our room. Ron and Harry started to argue with them and one of them stuck out their fat hand to me. I felt something take a hold of me. A voice saying to bite him, longing him to fuel the urge. So it did, and it felt so good, so absolutely wonderful! To cause someone pain again. Oh but this was only the first round. I had bigger fish to fry.  
  
Harry, I would be back where I belonged. I watched him for two years with out hurting a hair on his head. I watched his every move and his friends too, the Ron boy, and that mudblood too. I just watched that is until third year.  
  
A/N: This is getting longer than I expected. I think I am writing only one more chapter but I don't really know. R/R! 


	3. Old Friends make Great Enemies

Pain  
By: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Erin)  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: See chapter one Thank you to Miranda G. Potter, J.E.A.R.K.Potter, charmed lily, and Anonymous.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
The time had finally arrived. It all started when I heard that my old friend, Padfoot, had escaped Azkaban. I knew he would come for me and to tell you the truth I was scared. He knew that I was the secret keeper; he knew that I had betrayed Prongs and the mudblood. And he knew what I looked like when I transformed most of all.  
  
I lost weight and started to become sicker and sicker, Ron, knew this and thought that I was dying. 'That would be perfect' I had thought, ' I could just fake my death again.  
  
But to my annoyance, a cat, one who knew that I was no rat, had to come into the "golden" trio by way of the Granger girl. Mudbloods are much more trouble than they are worth, which isn't much at all. Only entertainment when you are torturing them, oh I could almost hear them screaming, and soon I would be able to.  
  
I was riding on the train again, when I saw him, the third problem in my plan, Remus. Nothing was going my way. As long as Remus was asleep he wouldn't find me. But my luck is all bad. Along the way to Hogwarts a dementor stopped in the compartment. The lights had turned off and the train had stopped. The door opened and it was cold all of a sudden and I felt like the happiness was coming out of me. I remembered how I betrayed James and Lily and for the first time I had guilt.  
  
But I was nothing compared to Potter. He started to jerk around and he fell on the floor, the weakling. Remus did a spell, the patrouns charm I think, and told the dementor that none of us were hiding Sirius Black. 'No' I thought, 'But you are housing a traitor.'  
  
A few minutes passed and the lights came back on. Harry had fainted and his friends were waking him up. Remus offered him chocolate. Remus went to talk with the conductor finally I could come out.  
  
I peaked out my head a little and listened to the conversation. They were talking about Harry hearing someone screaming. I wonder who that could be.  
  
The cat was out to kill me. He was meeting with Padfoot telling him about me. He even gave Sirius the password to the Gryffindor Common Room. But luckily Ron finally proved his worth and yelled before he could do anything to me. The trio was always fighting with one another those days. Everything from Harry's Firebolt to me.  
  
I thought this would be easy. All I had to do was bite myself leave some blood and they would think me dead. I did just that. But I never expected to be caught. I was in Hagrid's cabin what drove me there I don't know. That mudblood saw me and told Weasley.  
  
He tried to tell me it was fine that there were no cats here. But that cat was the least of my problems. We went under James's cloak, 'How many times was I under here with the marauders.' I bit Ron, oh that felt really well, but no time to waste I had to get out of here somehow. I writhed so much that Ron threw the cloak off.  
  
And then out of nowhere I heard paws on the ground. 'Padfoot,' I thought, 'he has come for me.' Sirius grabbed Ron arm in his mouth and dragged Ron and me into the passageway. The passageway to the Shrieking Shack. The place where Remus waited for us to join in our monthly adventures. We were pulled into a room. Padfoot waited and then he changed. Ron gasped for he thought that Sirius was a murder. Harry and Granger soon followed. Ron was yelling about it being a trap.  
  
They were talking and Harry looked like he was going to kill Black. And then Ron piped in and said, "If you want to kill Harry, then you'll have to kill us all too!" Stupid boy he thought that Sirius was going to kill Harry. No, Sirius had always loved Harry. He always was so happy to see Harry and James and Lily. How anyone thought he could betray them was beyond me.  
  
Harry was yelling about Padfoot killing his parents. He attacked Black and the cat attacked Potter. Then it stopped and Sirius said that he needed to tell the full story. Harry raised his wand again. And then footsteps coming closer and closer to us.  
  
Remus walked into the room and took the wands that the children where holding and then he asked, "Where is he, Sirius?" He was talking about me. Sirius Pointed at me and to anyone else it would look like he was talking about Weasley. They started to talk about switching and Remus finally understood. Now all the marauders knew I was the traitor.  
  
Lupin and Black hugged like we would in the old days. The Granger girl screamed. She talked about Moony being a werewolf. She had figured it out just like James, Sirius, and me. Harry yelled about Lupin helping Black and Lupin explained that he had not; that he didn't even believe that he was innocent.  
  
And then brought up the clinching evidence of that I was alive, The Marauder's Map. They talked about how it worked and then Remus said. "The Point is that even if you're wearing and Invisibility cloak, you still show up on the Marauder's Map. I watched you cross the grounds and enter Hagrid's hut. Twenty minutes later, you left Hagrid, and set off back towards the castle. But you were accompanied by somebody else." Finally they we talking about me, but not that I was happy about it.  
  
They talked about how there were two of us pulled into the Whomping Willow. And then my ears perked up. I heard my name, my true name, not Wormtail, not Scabbers, Peter Pettigrew.  
  
You're both metal." Ron stated.  
  
Peter Pettigrew's dead! He killed him twelve years ago! Harry cried pointed at Black.  
  
"I meant to but little Peter got the better of me...not this time, though!  
  
Sirius lunged at me. But Remus said, "Sirius, No!" "WAIT! You can't do it just like that---we've got to explain---"'Oh great' I thought bitterly, 'I have to wait to be killed.' Black said he would explain later, But Remus brought up Harry.  
  
Harry, that would make him wait, Harry was always used to barter with Sirius when Harry was little. You bring up Harry and Sirius would listen to you. He loved Harry like his own soon. Again how would anyone think that Sirius could kill Harry?  
  
So they started into the story. The story about how we all became Animagi. And how we were the marauders. And the joke Sirius Played on Snape. And almost as if he was called Snape took of the invisibility cloak.  
  
Snape and the rest of them yelled for a while, it was quite annoying. And then for the only time I will ever thank the trio, they knocked him out. But my relief only lasted for a few moments. They started to talk about me again. About the way I cut off my finger. About how was the Secret-Keeper, which of course involved more yelling from Harry, I don't remember James yelling this much!  
  
Ron finally handed me over. Lupin and Black were going to revel me. I fell to the floor and started to grow. I was rather rat like myself. I was short, grubby, had a pointed nose, and watery eyes. All in all not very attractive human being. Remus talked to me calmly. But my voice was high and squeaky, as I talked to my old friends.  
  
Black tried to attack me but Remus stopped him and then he turned to me again.  
  
"We've been having a little chat, Peter, about what happened the night Lily and James died. You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around down there on the bed---"  
  
"Remus, you don't believe him, do you...?" I was sweating like no tomorrow. "He tried to kill me, Remus..."  
  
He began to talk to me coldly. And more squeaking came from me. I tried to reason with Remus. Black talked to me about why I was the secret-keeper, just because he had suggested it. I muttered under my breath denying everything he said but knowing I was guilty. I looked for an exit.  
  
Granger asked if she could say something. She asked why I hadn't hurt Harry yet. I used this in my defense but inside I was saying, ' I had to wait for the right moment.' Black also had his reasons. Granger asked another question, this time about how Padfoot escaped. That mudblood had some use I guess.  
  
But again Black had a response. Then he explained my on how he knew he could find me at Hogwarts. Black got done with his speech and then Harry did something that would with out a doubt make everyone think me guilty,  
  
He nodded. I cried out, "No!" I fell to my knees sobbing. I was begging to everyone and denying all that I was saying in my head. 'I am not your friend, Black, Of course they wouldn't have told you if they had changed the plans, Remus, I don't care about you, Ron, Stupid girl that is what you are Granger.' Harry was the only one I told the truth to. No one could deny that he looked like James.  
  
I begged to Harry, Harry was the one that would deliver my sentence, to let me die, or to let me live. It was all up to him. Black asked me if I had sold out Lily and James and I didn't deny it. I burst into tears not because of Lily and James but that I might die.  
  
Black yelled at me that I should have died, and Remus said to me that is Voldemort didn't kill me than they would.  
  
And then my savior stepped, in the form of Harry.  
  
"NO!" he cried. "You can't kill him you can't"  
  
They tried to reason with him but Harry was firm. 'Great my life was saved by a halfblood, WAIT! I am in the debt of my master's enemy!'  
  
He said I would go to Azkaban and I thanked him and thanked him. He said that he didn't do it for me, but he did it for his dad.  
  
We were finally leaving the shack. I was chained up to Weasley and Lupin, with Lupin's wand pointed at me. I looked up at the sky and saw that it was a full moon. A full moon and Lupin had not taking his potion. Moony began to shake like he always did when he transformed.  
  
This would be my escape. I dived for Remus wand and shot a spell at Ron. Some one took the wand from me, but I didn't care I was going to get away. I was transformed. I ran and I ran I didn't know where I was going. I heard screams of no and Expecto patronum!  
  
I was near the lake; there were about a hundred dementors there. Harry was trying to deflect them but to no avail. He fell to his knees and a little light came from his wand. And then an animal came charging forth it was a stag. It was Prongs. 'James' I thought 'but how could he be alive.' Someone was standing across the lake. It looked like James, but it couldn't be.  
  
I turned and scurried away. 'What a great year this turned out to be' I thought with sarcasm, 'I am in the debt of my enemy and I think I am going crazy because I saw my dead friend.  
  
A/N well here you go this almost triples the length of my story! Read and Review! 


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